Picky Eaters
As she dropped off her son at my home for my daughter's seventh birthday party, my good friend, Shari, asked, "What are you serving at this Olympics Party, anyway?"
"Oh, hot dogs, fries, watermelon, stuff like that. And a red, white, and blue cake and ice cream." I replied.
"Oh, no!" she sighed. "Lane won't eat hot dogs. He used to love them, but now he refuses to eat them."
"That's OK." I responded. "He can just eat the other things."
Now, having known Lane since I moved to Florida, and being close to his parents, I knew a bit of his eating history. And so I decided to test my not-so-famous food theory on the youngster.
When lunch time arrived and the kids were noisily seated at the table, I called to the guests, "If you'd like a hot dog, please raise your hand." Lane's hand immediately shot up and he waved it frantically.
When I looked over to him, he called out, "I don't want a hot dog! I won't eat them!"
"But Lane," I replied sweetly, "I just want to know who does want one." He withered slightly in his seat, but said nothing.
My husband and I proceeded to pass out the hot dogs and condiments and then began passing around the other food. When I got back around to Lane's chair he said quietly, "I think I'd like a hot dog."
"Are you sure?" I asked, "You don't have to take one. And if you're not going to eat it, I'd prefer not to waste it."
"No, I really want it!" he assured me.
Not only did he want one, but two, and then three. I tried not to give any outward appearance of noticing, but inside I was chuckling loudly.
A few years earlier Lane's father had spoken at length to me about his frustration with the child's eating. It seemed that no matter what was prepared, the child turned his nose up at it. Nothing was good enough. And this same scenario had occurred again the evening of this particular discussion. He was at his wits' end.
"Your kids even eat salad!! How do you do it?" he asked me.
"Torture," I replied. "But, tell me what happened at your dinner table tonight."
"Shari made a casserole that Lane really likes along with his favorite side dishes. We sat down for dinner. His brother and sister started eating, but he said he didn't want any."
"So then what happened."
"What do you mean? He wouldn't eat."
"So? Maybe he really isn't hungry at night."
"Well, about an hour later he always wants something to eat."
"So what do you do?"
"I give him Captain Crunch or something."
At this I broke out laughing! "Are you kidding, Landy? You're telling me that if your five-year-old holds out on broccoli spears and fresh tossed salad, he knows he'll be rewarded in an hour with Captain Crunch with Crunchberries?"
"Well, I never thought about it quite like that before."
You may know of my discomfort with folks who find distaste for math to be an expected (and accepted) norm in children. The same discomfort applies to people who whine about the food that someone else has kindly prepared for them. Not only do I think picky eating is not a necessary part of growing up, but I think it's just plain rude!
Now, before you try to stuff that broccoli spear down my throat, let me make some qualifications!
Certainly I believe that everyone has different tastes and has a right to prefer some foods over others. Although I adored liver and spinach as a child, I couldn't stand pizza. It was just too spicy and had too many different flavors all mixed together. And I still dislike breads and cakes that have "stuff" in them, like carrot cake and banana-nut-bread. (Why would anyone ruin a perfectly lovely food by throwing chunks and bits of leftover fruits and vegetables into it?) There is no reason to demand that everyone in a family equally enjoys the same foods, nor to force them to eat inordinate amounts of something they find distasteful.
I also understand that very young children often go on odd eating jags, when they become terribly attached to a single food (peanut butter and jam comes to mind). Dr. Barbara McLaurin suggests that parents allow a child to continue eating their pet food—"as long as it is wholesome"—while continuing to offer other choices.
All this aside, when I say "picky eaters" I'm referring to children who use the table as a stage to show their independence, where they refuse to eat what's served, and whine and complain about the current offerings.
Pickiness is reinforced on all sides. Peers rarely hesitate to make their disgust at certain unpopular foods well known. "Eeewwwww!! You like that????" An article a few years ago in a favorite magazine of mine was titled, "Vegetables Your Kids Will Eat." The author assumes that refusing to eat vegetables is a universal problem. There are poems in kids' books and commercials for children's vitamins that make it clear that every youth knows that most healthy food is really pretty darn gross.
So what chance does a parent have to see that their children eat wholesome, nutritious foods, without turning the dinner table into a war zone? Here are some tips that have worked for us, over the past 13 years of parenting, with five markedly different children:
- Be an example! Look at what you eat. It's amazing that some parents hide food or even buy padlocks to keep their kids from getting to certain foods. If it's that bad for kids, it's probably just as bad for adults. Just get rid of it.
- Start early. If a child's first eating influences and, consequently, habits are healthy, later influences will have less effect.
- Offer many healthful choices. There are so many nutritious foods that having a variety to choose from increases your chances of finding those that will tempt your child's palate. Conversely, try to pare down on the offerings that aren't healthy.
- Serve regular, healthy meals and snacks. If a child feels like they are starving, they will be more likely to grab the quickest thing to get rid of the hunger—which often is not the best thing for their bodies.
- Let your chilren grow a vegetable garden. Nothing better than eating the fruits of your labors—literally!
- Let children be involved with meal planning, purchasing, and preparation. This reinforces good eating habits, and teaches important life skills as well. If possible, allow them to grow some foods too!
- Give them small portions, and allow for seconds (or thirds or fourths) if they request. A huge plate full of food can be overwhelming to a child, even if he is hungry.
- When introducing a new dish, serve it along with other foods that are familiar.
- Don't burden your kids with all your personal dislikes. Just because you know that fruitcake is disgusting, doesn't mean that your kids might not find something to like about it. (Although even I find that highly unlikely!)
- Make mealtime pleasant. Teach good table manners, treat your children with respect and expect the same in return. If they behave rudely toward whomever has been kind enough to fix a meal (whether a parent or a sibling), invite them to go to another room.
- Don't give lots of attention to finicky eating habits. Ignoring behaviors that are designed only for attention tends to extinguish them.
- Avoid distractions like television during meals.
- Allow your children not to be hungry! Haven't we all noticed our children eating constantly one week, and eating nearly nothing the next? They seem to know (unlike many adults) how much fuel their bodies need. The PALS newsletter says, "Keep a clear division of responsibility when feeding youngsters. Parents are the best judges of what children should eat. Children are the best judges of how much they should eat."
Mealtime can be pleasant for everyone involved with a little effort in the beginning. Happy dining!
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