Keeping the Bishop's Family Together

By D'On E. Moore

[My father served as a branch president twice and a bishop three times. He also served in a stake presidency among a million other things. My mother became very adept at dealing with the challenges that this can bring. (Evidenced mostly by the fact that it never seemed that my dad was incredibly busy with his callings—even though he was.) These are notes I found amongst my mother's things, outlining a talk she gave to other wives in similar circumstances. Although the meaning and intent isn't always clear from the information she recorded, I found many valuable insights…and hope you do as well. ~Alison Moore Smith]

A. First time, tried to have over—all philosophy of life (helped us always after that).
- 1. Why do we live on earth?
  - a. Fulfill ourselves?
  - b. Have children
  - c. Find opportunities to serve God and perhaps to be his agents, used by Him?
  - d. Very few opportunities during our lives to be His agents and serve His people, certainly not on a full-time basis (or almost).
    - i. Mission<
    - ii. Bishop
    - iii. Stake/mission president
    - iv. One of very few general authorities
- B. Bishoping a shared call—husband never called without wife.
  - 1. 2nd time at BYU, I ws called before Hal a/c teenagers.
  - 2. If we are the best He can do right now, and if we give ourselves to Him for this purpose, we can have great joy knowing He needs us and that we cannot fail if we humbly serve Him because his work will not fail.
  - 3. Whatever plans you had for immediate future become secondary:
  - 4. But the basis structure of our lives is our eternal unit—the family—and we need each other for our future and our shared happiness. How, then, can we implement the demands of this calling without offering up our children, almost like Abraham and Isaac?
- C. Concrete things we did to combat Ph.D. studies, full time job at Purdue, bishop of new ward 170 miles across, and build a new chapel with no money:
  - 1. Two new babies, 9 months apart. Nora preemie who had to stay inside. Stay home and smile while you hate it.
    - a. All strangers visiting ward alone invited for Sunday dinner after morning meetings.
    - b. Stake meeting day: prepare lunches for all unmarried officers—eat on way.
    - c. Ritual time with babies at dinner every day, including putting to bed. (No phone calls during dinner.)
    - d. No ward visiting outside town without kids and me and picnic.
    - e. All new members of ward invited over after Sacrament Meeting.
    - f. Bishopric in often for dinner and evening.
    - g. No fancy entertainment!
    - h. Oftimes emergency calls during Hal's absense when he was not available—called for cool head and silent tongue.
- D. Things initiated during Hal's counsellor days, then during bishoping period for five years at BYU:
  - 1. Kids = 4 teenagers
  - 2. Still inviolate dinner and talk with kids.
  - 3. Alwyas family night, never on Sunday—always on weeknight, depending on who was Church President at the time.
  - 4. I always was with kids at our ward.
  - 5. Hal never went anywhere on an errand or to store—anywhere—without a child. They talked easily.
  - 6. Tried to involve family secondarily in Ha'ls ward. We attended additional Sunday meetings with Hal when special speakers of fo kids to participate.
  - 7. Helped with babies—kids loved this.
  - 8. I attended Relief Society in Hal's ward, visited families with Hal, spoke or demonstrated things when asked, had young people over two Sunday evenings a month for barbecues, holiday parties, etc.
  - 9. Pray for the ward and all within it, including sick kids, sick adult.
  - 10. Take for granted all confidences kept—don't tell kids!
Our lives were blessed in all ways, big and little, through the protection of the bishop's mantle. We could feel the protection given to our family.

Hal's being stake YM-MIA president for eight years was more difficult than bishoping; we didn't have the same testimony of its importance as we did for being bishop or counselor, yet it took untold amounts of time. It was difficult to plan time together since he was gone for so many social functions.

Makes one wonder: Do we need more appreciation for doers of big, behind-the-scenes callings? People we don't see either the preparation (oh, the continual Boy Scout training!) or execution for less visible callings. And the mates need our help and support!

My experience: Kids generally pick up how you truly feel inside, for both for the Lord and for the Church callings which come to our families. If we are realistic in our claims for time, events can generally happen when scheduled. And a bishop's kids certainly need to know where their father is when he's not with them! If they don't, and don't undertand the importance, that's your fault! We need to encourage both fathers and children to keep aware of what's happening to everyone else in the family…stay awake and talk when the poor man finally gets home!