Summer Solutions
By Kathy Green, Jeannie Vincent, and Alison Moore Smith
Send a question or comment to the Circle of Sisters
Loretta from Lansing, Michigan, writes:
Summer is here. I always think it will be a glorious golden event with "precious moments" and sweet dreams and lifelong memories and on and on until I will never be able to measure up to my own expectations. Too often, the hot days end up with bored kids squabbling over the bean-bag chairs in the TV room, grouchy and idle, while I slog throughthe housework too grumpy to try to pull any co-operation from the young 'n's. I don't want this summer to be like that.
We can't afford to travel or party in any of the usual traditional ways, so it isn't as if we can "go to the cabin" or the beach or "the" anywhere. I need to make memories for free. Please tell me something inspirational. Hurry. School is out next week.
Alison says:
Well, Loretta, I'm not sure that I can really address your situation. You see, I homeschool my five children and, since we "school" year-round, summer's just about the same as winter which is just about the same as autumn which is just about the same as spring in most respects.
Before anyone decides that we are cruel and unusual (OK, we are unusual…) let me clarify. By "year-round" I mean that we don't have any kind of huge break in our studies. We do take off regularly (as best suits our family) to participate in diversions, vacations, respites, and the like. In mid-May, for example, we spent nine days in Oahu and we usually spend most of the days between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day in "alternative education" activities. Anyway, we don't have the usual "the kids are gone six hours a day 180 days a year and what do we do now that they are home" transition, but perhaps some of our diversionary activities will give you some ideas.
- See local sites, attractions, landmarks
- Study city/state history
- Look for free city- or church-sponsored activities
- Do secret services
- Watch parades
- Hike
- Swim
- Play in the sprinklers
- Draw/paint/sculpt
- Participate in library summer reading programs
- Read poetry aloud
- Form a day camp for your kids and their friends
- Conduct a full-fledged camp-out in the back yard
- Memorize a bunch of hymns, scriptures, Articles of Faith, or seminary scriptures (have your own little Vacation Bible School!)
There are so many resources to help you. There is a great book called Wild Days: Creating Discovery Journals by Karen Skidmore Rackliffe that sets out a plan for making nature journals. These are great fun, along with pressing/drying flowers, collecting bugs, learning about local flora and fauna. And you can find all sorts of inexpensive crafts at Family Fun.
Lisa Neubert had a great "sharing station" booth as Women's Conference in March titled, Summertime, and the Learnin' is Easy. Don't forget to ask the more experienced moms in your ward/neighborhood! Homeschooling books are a great source of information for fun, educational activities to do with your children. But be careful—that's why I checked out my first homeschooling books and now I'm starting my ninth year in home education!
When I was young, my mother would give us a mini-schedule in the summers. It usually included something like: swimming lessons, one hour yard or housework, one hour reading, one hour piano/violin/trumpet/clarinet practice. Then, as long as our rooms were clean and dishes done, we were free to use the remaining time at our leisure. We also helped with early morning fruit/vegetable picking and summer canning.
My awesome, wonderful, incredible, older sister (no, that's not "incredibly older"), Nora Hess, who is the mother of ten children, eight living, seven at home (ranging in age from 5-17), has devised a very clever summer schedule. Her mission was four-fold: keep the children busy until afternoon; avoid the resemblance of a "short-order cafe" in the kitchen; encourage a reasonable bed-time; keep abreast of academics. Here is her family action plan:
7:15 Devotional
7:30 Breakfast
8:00 Dishes (everyone helps)
8:15 Clean house
9:00 P.E.
10:00 Brain work
12:00 Lunch & dishes
1:00 Free time
"Brain work" includes reading, assigned schoolwork, and piano practice. The older boys will choose between: working to earn money; scouting; Duty to God; reading quality books chosen by mom. The older boys will also be coaching youth sports that they excel in, which include ultimate frisbee, racquetball, soccer, baseball, and basketball. Fridays will include swimming and field trips to museums, canyons, etc.
I'm sure that many of our readers are brimming with ideas. I am looking forward to lots of reader input to help me make this summer a little more memorable than most!
Kathy says:
But I learned, along with you, that TV watching almost always led to grumpy, squabbling kids. Happily, my mom was a go-get-'em frontier girl who had no patience for Hollywood nonsense and thought it was probably a punishable offense to put kids in a dark room with an eerily glowing gizmo that laughed at itself and seduced her kids into a coma. I inherited her suspicion. I bought poster paint when I couldn't afford milk, and baked salt-dough sculptures when I didn't have vegetables for the table. My kids survived to work themselves through college, marry in the temple, and buy beautiful homes. Here's a list of the things I remember now as the most fun parts of our summers together:
- Cutting monster rain-forest-sized bouquets of roses from our California garden and keeping our house full of them
- Lying on a blanket in the back yard reading "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe"
- Making real lemonade from our lemon tree, the most prolific producer I have ever seen
- Swimming in my aunt's pool, returning via the drive-through dairy, buying a yogurt push-up for everyone and tucking the babies into their cribs for naps. They loved to crash in their beddies after a long swim, and the big kids liked having those quiet afternoons to play "big kid" games like ball, or to work puzzles without busy little hands patty-caking all the loose pieces onto the floor
- Grinding wheat and baking bread every day
- Singing from the same songbook my mom had used with us when we were little
- Swimming lessons in the park and private swimming lessons with a cute newly-married Red Cross instructor in the ward, with a number of our best friends in both cases
- Dancing with babies in my arms to the Wee Sing party tape
- In Utah, traveling by bus to Trolley Square or the ZCMI center and the library with my tiny preschoolers and their umbrella strollers
- If I were to offer advice from my crusty ol' granny perspective, I would say if you can only schedule one thing, make it a snuggle session. You can do it on any budget. It can be your scripture time, your prayer time, a music time, a story time or any other quiet time—but that will have been the best-spent hour of your day and will give you better long-term results than anything you might add to your schedule.
Children are natural snugglers—you won't have to pay for lessons. No expensive equipment is required, and it works just as well if your car isn't running or is out of gas. You can honor this time committment every day of the summer, and I promise you will be richer for it come fall than for any other activity.
And hey! Don't forget you can always bundle the little ones off to grandma's house.
Jeannie says:
Our summers were so unique I'm not sure our experience will map over to families who had a more "normal" life, but I think there are some common elements that might work for everyone. If Alison was the principal and only instructor for her homeschool, I ran a home hotel for my kids' American friends all summer. We had a ball and I would not trade our experience for anything; but boy, that was a toilsome time for us. I don't think most European kids expect to be structured and entertained in quite the same way American kids do. Many American moms administer elaborate programs including gymnastics, computer shops, scouting (of course), league ball for guys and girls alike, (often conflicting with Sabbath observance in most cities) swim team, band camp, girls' camp, cheer camp, flag, dance, children's theatre, children's choir, private piano lessons, and throw in family reunions on both sides. (Gasp, gasp—need I go on?)
I love Nora's schedule. It is such a sensible balance between work and play, temporal and spiritual growth. I love that it keeps everybody on a productive schedule rather than allowing the kids to veg on the couch till midnight and sleep till who knows when the following morning. I nominate her as our model mom for this week's "Answers."
I would say, only, that travel and exposure to as many cultures as possible are great foci for summer. As an example, my boys think of ballet as an athletic discipline as well as a legitimate "manly" artistic expression. And an honest, if rigorous, way to earn a living. They do not snicker when they encounter a male ballet dancer. That is simply a matter of having grown up in a culture where this occupation is respected. Travel and exposure to as many different ways of contributing to the diversity of the human family as possible are wonderful ways to soak up that welcome summer sunshine. If you're in a college town, there will be something interesting going on, probably for free, virtually every night of the week. Even if you're in a tiny outpost, you can create the culture yourself and invite your kids' friends. It doesn't have to be a big deal. A little reading theatre or field trip to the fire station can be just as much fun as following the world-class programs offered by the big universities. If you participate with initiative and enthusiasm, there is always something to learn and a way to be of service. The kids will also soak up their parents' values—so have some fun and stretch your own wings a bit right along with the youngsters. All grannies will tell you these days are precious and they pass far too quickly. I'll add my "amen."
Enny from Buffalo, New York, writes:
Thank you all for the wonderful, motivating ideas. We're going to be trying as many of your ideas as I can get up the energy for! To me, the best part about summer is that it is “different” from the rest of the year. I don't want it to become a time for sitting in front of any kind of screen for hours on end or for "sleeping longer than is needful," and I don't want it to be a time when idleness encourage mischief, but neither do I want it to be a time so jam-packed with activities that nobody gets a chance to breathe. So, like Nora, I like to strike a balance between scheduled and unscheduled time. And, actually, when part of the day is scheduled the kids really seem to cherish the free time they are given as a valuable commodity. (How many kids come home on a half-day of school and complain about being bored?)
Keep up the great work!
Jeannie says:
Glad you enjoyed the input. Kathy, Alison, and Nora came up with some really fun and useful suggestions. Wish I'd had such a palette of things to choose from when my kids were younger.
The balance is very important. We all need change and repose from our "jobs" and kids need the same. Programming and organization are a necessity, but must be followed up with a good dose of tailored freedom.
Hope you have a great summer and lots of fun with your children.
Karolyn from Winlock, Washington writes:
Oh Groan!
Just reading what all you sisters do for the summer makes me tired! I tried making a schedule once on house cleaning but real life or the telephone interrupted my schedule so I bagged it and bought a plaque which adorns my kitchen wall some 35 years and five houses later which says, "My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy!" My mother hates it!
I was never a mother who was happy to see my kids in school. I rather liked having them around. I am a night owl and so were three of my four children. My youngest son would just sneak off to bed even when we had a family with children over for playing board games. He was just sleepy.
I enjoyed summer immensely. We could stay up late watching scary movies where I would sneak up behind them during the most tense parts and scare them to death. It was great fun! We even could sleep in until "late thirty" any day of the week other than Sundays. My husband even gave me summers off getting up to fix his breakfast, but I did fix his lunch during the commercial breaks of the scary movies!
We lived on a farm and there were plenty of chores to do but they did not need to be done at 7 am! I never saw that time on a clock all summer!
The kid’s dad did the milking and feeding of the show dogs, the pigs, and chickens. The kids got to clean the kennel, the barn, mow the lawn, help weed the garden, can, kill chickens, help with the house work as needed, and a hundred other chores that we did together but not in all one day.
As soon as they were finished they had whatever part of the day to play in their log cabin we built for them (complete with an outhouse), read, practice the piano (all four took piano lessons), drums (on a drum pad thanks!), clarinet, and oboe, or go swimming or take a nap to get rested up for the late night scary movie!
I have no clue where the word "bored" or the obligation to entertain our children came into the mix. All I know is that it was not my obligation to entertain them. Let them develop their own games and stuff using their imagination and ingenuity. I could swear that the branch from my Grandparents lilac bush was a real horse. I could see it's mane and flowing tail. Why it was a black stallion, can't you tell?
I asked one daughter not to long ago why she never said she was bored. Her answer was because if she or her siblings had said that, I would have found them a chore to do. I am not even the chairman of the entertainment committee when my grandkids come to visit.
I am afraid I did/do not fit the bill of a typical Mormon mother/grandmother. I am not a cookie-baking grandma, partially because I am disabled and cannot cook any longer, but even when I could I was not the type. There are cookie-baking grandmas and there are Nintendo playing grandmas. My grandkids think I am pretty cool that I can beat the "bosses" at the end of each level or get excited watching Snow White for the kazillionth time with them or sitting in the hot tub with them.
We were not poor; we just did not have any money. My greatest joy was free. It came from watching my children just be inventive, creative, and unstructured children in the summer and have them close at home so I could just touch and look at them.
Maybe that is why they were my children and not someone else's.
Alison says:
Karolyn, what a beautiful message
We are building a home on a little piece of acreage that I affectionately think of as our "ranchette." I am so looking forward to all the opportunities (and chores!) that such an endeavor brings. Your letter has increased my anticipation. (OK, maybe not the chicken killing and barn cleaning parts, but I think I can handle the rest.)
You are right that mothers need not put on a summertime dog-and-pony show to enthrall the little ones minute by minute. Finding interesting and enjoyable activities to fill one’s time is an important part of growing up. (Assuming, of course, that when you are grown up there will actually be any time that needs filling!) A number of years ago I was told that the literal translation in French of "bore" is "to annoy oneself." So when my children cry out that they are bored, I simply reply, "I'm really sorry you are annoying yourself so much today. Would you like a chore to divert your attention?" They tend not to whine a second time.
Growing up in a suburb that had only minimal weeding opportunities in the summer didn't leave much in the way of structure. My favorite summers were the ones where part of my day was filled with swimming lessons, reading assignments, and a few chores, and the rest of the day was left to spend at my discretion, riding my bike, playing with friends, building an obstacle course, lying on the grass in the shade with my dog, Fifi. I remember parades and barbecues and little league baseball and weeding the dreaded petunia patch and camping in the mountains. Most of all I remember having the luxury of being home.
P.S. Night owls rule!
Jeannnie says:
You are my gal, for sure. I was the same. Entertainment committee was not in my job description. We hosted lots of grown up and kid friends, played lots of free games, and cooked a slew of meals for not less than ten almost every day of summer. It was tiring, but so wonderful to know my kids enjoyed sharing their friends and fun with us. We did the same with our adult friends.
Loved your comment about not being "poor," just not having a lot of money. Could we have that embroidered and hung on every wall of every room in the house to help remind us that it takes so very little to be happy and have fun?
We were major night owls as well, and midnight was our "starting gate" during the summer months. Consequently, we did a lot of sleeping in when the kids were older. It was such a welcome change from the 4:45 AM Seminary schedule.
You sound like the coolest mom and best grandma this side of planet earth. Cookies or no.
200 Plus Ideas for Summertime (or Anytime) Fun!
Deborah Taylor-Hough
Loren C. Dunnof