Erin, I have similar concerns about those I taught on my mission, and that is why I started this series. We all know people in our wards that are converts, but know so little of how they got there.

I served a mission, and I highly doubt any of the people I taught and/or were baptized stayed active, so your stories are fascinating to me. Please keep them coming!
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Tracy P, I can remember being surprised the first time the missionaries asked me to be baptized also. I think that it used to be standard to ask right away. I met with the missionaries regularly for four months, sometimes more than weekly. I think I threw away my Book of Mormon three times, when I got frustrated and decided I was not interested. I had many challenges, the first of which, was that the boyfriend who introduced me to the gospel (to whom I am very grateful) was barely active himself. I was also surrounded by friends who drank heavily, smoked pot and were very promiscuous. I also had a family that was strongly opposed to my interest in the church, who prayed for me (and I think, even involved their churches in praying on my behalf – especially once I got engaged!), and even came to my baptism, solely to discourage me (as did two of my friends.) There were many obstacles, but ultimately, it always comes down to, “is it true or not?” That was the one thing that kept me coming back to the missionaries – surely I could get an answer to that one thing. I wrote a little bit about the process of being prepared to accept the gospel here: http://ortmonsters.blogspot.com/2009/02/listen-to-still-small-voice.html
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I believe the OP addresses the handbook as it was written at the time. Also, if you read the comment thread (yea, I know it’s long), the new wording is also discussed.

On another note, I think of the miracle of Elizabeth Smart. Not the miracle that she was found, but that millions of people united to find her, prayed for her, cared about her. Given that humans can be callous (i.e., the Kitty Genovese case), all of those people united is a miracle in itself.
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Our 7 y.o. daughter has head lice (stigma alert on!). We have tried *everything*–OTC shampoo/pesticides, literal nitpicking, louse hunting, etc. We have subjected her to 3 applications of shampoo that supposedly kills the little buggers. In desperation, she requested and received a priesthood blessing. I hoped that the blessing would cast out the lice, send them on a little lice march out the front door, to die a slow and painful death outside, away from any blood source.

However, the blessing did not do this. My daughter & I talked about the blessing, why it did not “work.” I tried to help her understand that when God answers our prayers, sometimes he casts out the lice in our lives, but sometimes, he wants us to rely on each other–so maybe the answer to prayer is that we find a doctor who can treat her. Maybe God answers the prayer by helping our minds–being a scientist who can create an effective treatment. Maybe God wants us to rely on the Holy Ghost, inspiring me to find the lice in her hair (when I couldn’t find them all on my own). Maybe God wants us to appreciate the good things in our lives. And maybe God has a completely different thing in mind for us.

I tried to help her understand that no matter what, God will answer our prayers.

I know I get frustrated when the Ensign and sacrament meeting talks and correlated lesson manuals present the simplistic, sexy, and shallow ways that God answers prayers (the lice left! the truck swerved out of our way at the last minute! the baby lived!). I also believe that the writers of the scriptures got caught up in the simplistic, sexy, and shallow ways that God answers prayers–I think it is a human condition to want the tangible answers. I think in this instance, it is okay to take the scriptures with a large grain of salt.
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18.5 Prayers in Church Meetings
Men and women may offer both opening and closing prayers in Church meetings.

Prayers should be brief, simple, and spoken as directed by the Spirit. All members are encouraged to respond with an audible amen at the end of a prayer.

Members should express respect for Heavenly Father by using the special language of prayer that is appropriate for the language they are speaking. The language of prayer has different forms in different languages. In some languages, the intimate or familiar words are used only in addressing family and very close friends. Other languages have forms of address that express great respect. The principle, however, is the same: members should pray in words that speakers of the language associate with love, respect, reverence, and closeness. In English, for example, members should use the pronouns Thee, Thy, Thine, and Thou when addressing Heavenly Father.

Members of the bishopric should avoid the pattern of having a husband and wife pray in the same meeting. Such a pattern might convey an unintentional message of exclusion to those who are single. Members who are not often called upon should be included among those who are invited to pray. As needed, a member of the bishopric may caution those who pray not to sermonize or pray at great length.

The person who offers a prayer should not be asked to read a scripture aloud before the prayer.

I am going to try a fast for someone who needs help next time and see if I can get through it. Thanks for the story.
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What an inspiration…fasting is not a strong suit of mine either. I am such a horrible hungry person. But fasting to help someone truly gives it a purpose and makes it more meaningful.

Oh, and Tracy–thank you sooooo much for sharing this! I totally agree! That’s what I am shooting for, but dangit! It’s not as easy as it looks!
Maybe with time, it will get easier…one can hope, right?

good point!

A side note– I’ve always told my kids that I expect them to sit in the front row at school, too– for the very same reasons.

My dear friend asked me the same question today:”what would be most helpful?”

It has only been a few months. I am really raw. I now am in this grief-filled place. My goal is to be in a more healed and peaceful place. Between here and there is a terrible chasm that cannot be circumvented. It must be gone straight through to get to where I need to be. It’s nice when people allow my children and I our journey through the chasm. We all like happily ever-afters, but they can’t be rushed. They take time. We as LDS people are well-versed at comforting those in need of comfort…..boy, can we bake a mean casserole!! But we are not as familiar with mourning with those that mourn. We don’t know how to do death very well. Because of modern medical advancements, we frankly just don’t deal with it as much as our ancestors did. I feel like a guinea pig to my ward and stake I am a very young widow (my husband was in his 40′s) I have young children to raise alone. The only one in my ward and Stake. (Okay, there ARE 2 elderly widows in one other ward)

So that was the long answer….the short one is: Let people grieve. Cry with them. Right now I don’t want to be fixed( no earthly person can do it anyway!) or given advice. I just want someone to cry with me!

DannyK: I LOVED every word of that last post! I found it extraordinarily helpful! Thank you so much! Our family has been through a TON of hard stuff in the last 10 years, and Mosiah 24 has gotten us through some tough stuff!

Tracy K: I know it is unrealistic to expect faith to be taught the way I want to hear it every week. I really don’t think I expect that. Let’s see if I can put what I am feeling into words. I’m not sure if you (or anyone here reading) have ever buried an immediate family member or not. This is how it is for me: I feel like I am walking around completely flayed. Just totally skinned! Everything that comes at me hurts horrifically. I am hyper-sensitive, and I KNOW that…..but nevertheless it still hurts. So it seems like every testimony I have listened to for the last few months is structured like this: “I had this problem, I prayed/fasted/went to the temple and voila! It was solved!”

Am I generalizing and exaggerating? You bet your life! But it sounds that way to a very beleaguered and grieving mind. Add to that the fact that I live in an EXTREMELY young ward. There is ONE set of grandparents. We usually have a 30 year old Bishop (My husband was Bishop of this ward in his 30′s) We sent our very first missionary EVER off just 2 months ago. So, there is not a lot of life experience, or really any experience here…..so along with that you get young teachings, and young testimonies. Sometimes I think that I am one of the FIRST people they have ever witnessed having to deal with a REALLY HARD THING! I have a big job, don’t I????

I am an anomaly here…..they really are not sure WHAT to do with me……my poor Bishop has not called, come over or spoken to me since the funeral….I think he’s scared….or something! They have no idea what to do with a widow!

Anyway…..that way WAY long, but it felt nice to share it here. Thanks!

We weren’t told we came here to live with very little discomfort, but that we would be tried to see if we would ( after all those trials) still choose to follow Heavenly Father’s plan, still endure to the end.

I don’t disagree with you, but I’m asking a different question. I’m asking how we reconcile the scripture above with what you said in this quote.

When we read the Ensign or listen to conference or listen to a lesson from the manual, you don’t hear a lot of:

Here we are on earth. And it’s really going to suck! But it’s OK! It’s supposed to suck. Just stick with it. In 100 years or so you’ll get just what you deserve (with that atonement caveat, of course).

Stephen M #10 and Melissa #11, thanks for sharing your personal story. Stephen, I’ve read some of your stuff before. I know you’ve heard this before, but I don’t know how I’d go on.
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I’ve experienced that there is only one kind of deliverance that we can always expect, and that is the one that is independent of circumstance.

Dannyk, that’s a great addition to the discussion. We should teach more of that, because that is the truth.

Thank you for sharing your very personal story.

Since then, I’ve deliberately tried to apply this approach…I seek spiritual deliverance instead of physical deliverance. Spiritual deliverance is my priority and the only one I feel I have a guarantee on receiving.

Beautifully said.
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