I was leaning against the wall, waiting for my boys to exit their weekly science class at a local nature center/preserve. Gazing dreamily at the beautiful fall colors (God really did know what he was doing during the whole creation thing). Listening to the myriad birds singing their cheerful songs, and suddenly I felt it. The softest most luxurious wall, ever! I turned around and to my great surprise it was “church wall”.

No, this can't be. “Church wall” is nasty, atrocious even. Sandpaper is friendlier than this stuff. You know the stuff, right? Plastered on the bottom half (sometimes more) of most church walls everywhere. Okay, maybe not everywhere. The evil stuff that turns your child's cherubic face into something resembling hamburger in the blink of an eye. Yeah, that stuff.

My luxurious feel in dreamland was quickly rerouted into “Wait! I've been cheated!” land. I am afraid I will never be able to forgive the powers that be for choosing the “deformer” walls over the “I could snuggle up and sleep on you” walls. I hope I can still get into the Celestial Kingdom.

Just sayin'