Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950′s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagon you can find.
We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the national anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I would be happy to go along with this agreement and I’d extend the right of the liberal mass to have first pick of land. I’ll let them choose half and I’ll move to the chunk leftover, where ever it is.
I’m dead serious.
Well since they would choose the East Coast, with options for California, I think that I will be moving to Utah, or Idaho. Maybe Alasaka… Blarg, I wish this was a true thing, and we could just be done with it!
Absolutely. I’m happy to give up California, the entire east coast, and whatever other precious land they want. Let’s have a real test of political ideology!
The unfortunate thing is that I actually love California. I live in the Foothills, and it is gorgeous, and the people, for the most part, are awesome. its when you go south, to LA and San Francisco that the problems and the kooks come out! I live in a town with a very strong Baptist presence, and they have the same beliefs that we have (most anyway) and are a great God-fearing and loving people. So our town is great, we can just transplant it in Alsaka… LOL!
The problem is that it is not enough for liberals to just believe and keep what they want – they want to force everyone else to do what they believe. Save the environment, redistribute wealth, etc. Of course it is not their wealth they plan to redistribute. It is yours. So, I doubt you’ll find any takers.
lol, I have no wealth, so I guess its all good! (jk)
It was only a matter of time before they came clean. Here’s an idea: stop the crazy, out-of-control spending. That’s what the tea parties were about – telling government to stop spending so they wouldn’t raise our taxes, just like they are suggesting they will do.
kiar, I understand your love of California. Really I do. It’s not that I don’t like California, it’s that I KNOW they’d want it and I’m happy to give up ANY piece of land in ANY state in exchange for sovereignty! I’d even live in Nevada :shocked: if it meant they would live somewhere ELSE!
I’m a Christian and I’m so offended by this little letter by a supposed law student, it makes me SICK and ashamed that any other fellow Christians would spread it. First, since when do good Christians promote divorce? And what good Christians would think that healthcare is a LUXURY? So Jesus Christ would only heal those who could afford it? As if. So we all agree that the ” unborn have a right to life”, but you believe the BORN DON’T HAVE A RIGHT TO LIFE-SAVING HEALTH CARE? Instead, the born are at the mercy of greedy, profit-driven insurance companies (with CEOs who make up to $24 million a year) that will always put profits before people? Do you think Jesus Christ would approve of that? MONEY before HEALTH? MONEY before LIFE?
Hopefully one day Christians in America will realize what the rest of the Chrsitians in industrialzed countries have figured out long ago – WE ARE ALL GOD’S CHILDREN. WE ARE ALL CREATED EQUAL AND THUS HAVE AN EQUAL RIGHT TO LIFE. And the ONLY “body” that can ensure that everyone has an equal right to life (aka healthcare) is the body controlled by those who the majority elects to represent us (the gov’t)….not the greedy insurance companies that exist solely to take as much as they can from people and give as little in return.
As a dual American-Canadian – please don’t believe the lies and exaggerrated stories that Fox News tells you. Canada’s system isn’t perfect, but even 90% of THE MOST CONSERVATIVE Canadians would NEVER give it up for the outrageously expensive, complicated, discriminating, down-right inhumane and un-Christianlike American health care system.
Stacey, your comment has been edited to remove the link spamming.
Promoting divorce? Did you actually read the post? Health care? Where is healthcare discussed (luxury or otherwise)? More than a little confused by your response.
But as long as your proclaiming God’s will with regard to other people’s money, I’ll do the same. Apparently you have a computer. How, as a Christian, can you justify having a computer, given some people don’t have HEALTH CARE?! Have you forgotten that “WE ARE ALL GOD’S CHILDREN. WE ARE ALL CREATED EQUAL AND THUS HAVE AN EQUAL RIGHT TO LIFE.” You probably have a TV, too. And a car. And a house. And more than one change of clothes. WHEN SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE HEALTHCARE. Have you forgotten that “WE ARE ALL GOD’S CHILDREN. WE ARE ALL CREATED EQUAL AND THUS HAVE AN EQUAL RIGHT TO LIFE.”
At very least, as a Christian, you should give away everything you have until ALL GOD’S CHILDREN HAVE HEALTH CARE WHICH IS NOT A LUXURY BUT A RIGHT!
Stacey, do you see the problem of redistributing wealth?
P.S. Since Obama and Biden claim to believe in “spreading the wealth” and “leveling the playing field” and claim to believe that health care is a right, why don’t they PERSONALLY give away their wealth to further these causes? Not rhetorical.