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The Top 10 Ways General Authorities Eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

Author unknown with more added by readers

To be spoken with the appropriate, authoritative voice.

[Added 2013: Scroll down to see the brilliant video version!]

14. Bruce R. McConkie

Recently an unwise YouTube video has advocated we have a special relationship with a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. This is not the Lord’s way. If we are to develop a special relationship with any candy, it should be a Butterfinger.

13. L. Tom Perry

A peanut butter cup is round, which means it has no carners.

12. Russell M. Nelson

If you are unsure of how to eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, ask the missionaries. They can help you.

11. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I turned the peanut butter cup to properly take a bite and in doing so, I over-corrected. This resulted in me smearing chocolate on my upper lip. Had I been just one degree under what I calculated, I would have successfully enjoyed the Reeses without making a mess. Which brings me to a story about aviation…

10. Paul H. Dunn

I remember back in WWII that I ate a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Back then, they were big enough to live on for a week. Being the only soldier to have survived the battle in my brigade, I really didn’t know If I could eat it or not, but I remember my fallen buddy’s words as he died in my arms: “Paul, if you just take one bite at a time you can tackle anything.” So I took that giant cup and, breaking it with the bat Babe Ruth gave me after I struck him out with two outs in the bottom ofthe ninth in the seventh game of the World Series, proceeded to wolf down the tiny morsels.

9. David B. Haight

Imagine 70 years ago on a rough road between Idaho and Logan. There were only Circle K’s, no 7-11’s. You had to bring your Peanut Butter Cups with you. Ruby and I split one for the first time in 1937.

8. Dallin H. Oaks

The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup challenges us to consume. From the beginning there have been three steps in eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. First, remove the wrapper. This is best done quickly, by turning the cup over, grasping the outer fold and pulling away from the bottom. Second ?

7. Joseph B. Wirthlin

When I was young I would sprint to the corner store, buy a Reese’s and run my hand through my hair before taking it down in one bite. These days I don’t sprint, and I have no hair, but the peanut butter cup remains.

6. Richard G. Scott

If you have not eaten a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, I plead with you. Eat one now. Enjoy the chocolate, the peanut butter. Do not delay. If you have thought, “That’s not for me,” I plead with you to reconsider. Of all foods I treasure, this one was the first.

5. M. Russell Ballard

The time has come when members of the church need to reach out to our friends and share a cup, a peanut butter cup. It is not enough to raise a chocolate bar, it must now have peanut butter.

4. Boyd K. Packer

In all my years, I have always eaten my Reese’sPeanut Butter Cups the same way the established way we have been instructed to eat them. There is a far greater evil in this world, though those who believe they can eat their cups in a way unconventional to the time-honored manner. We must be true and faithful and eat our Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the customary and recognized approach as it has heretofore been established.

3. Neal A. Maxwell

I intentionally initiate the delicious design of the deglutition of a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup by nibbling a negligible nit of the culinary creamy cavalcade. It is exclusively through small entities that the great things are fabricated.

2. Thomas S. Monson

I remember I ate my first Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup when I was a tender lad of eight. My mother came up to me, and with a loving twinkle in her eye, asked, ‘Tommy, are you eating a Reese’s?’

And I would invariably smile up to her, ‘Yes, yes, I am.’

‘But Tommy, did you know that Sister Jensen next door hasn’t eaten a Reese’s Cup in years?’ My young mind thought upon the plight of my neighbor. Tears were shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared.

1. J. Golden Kimball

Hell, Heber, I’ll eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup any damned way I want!

{ 21 comments… add one }

  • partone July 16, 2007, 12:00 am

    Are those some new Mormon curse words? hee hee

  • facethemusic July 16, 2007, 5:43 pm

    :rolling: I saw this several years ago in an email that was being sent around the LDS internet chain.
    The one for President Monson just kills me! I can totally hear his voice in my head, all the intonations and inflections.. “tears were shed, hearts were gladdened, a cup was shared..”
    That’s exactly how he would say it!
    My own would be filled with several “totally”‘s, “you have GOT to be kidding me’s” and descriptions of the one true and proper way to eat a Reese’s, complete with descriptions of the wrong ways and why they’re wrong.

  • jennycherie July 16, 2007, 7:06 pm

    what, no excerpts from the Book of Tracy? ??

  • Alison Moore Smith July 16, 2007, 7:15 pm

    Posted By: facethemusicand descriptions of the one true and proper way to eat a Reese’s, complete with descriptions of the wrong ways and why they’re wrong.

    You’ve nailed you on the head, Tracy!

  • heather July 16, 2007, 10:38 pm

    What a hilarious reading this was!!! I enjoyed it so much, I had to read it twice. ( I needed a good laugh today!)

  • facethemusic July 17, 2007, 8:58 am

    okay, I’ll humor you Jenny…

    we’ll start in Tracy 7: 6-15

    “6. And it came to pass that the vision continued and the voice of the Spirit said unto me:
    Thou shalt first eat the crimped edges surrounding the heretofore mentioned confection. Only when the outer edges of darkness have been consumed, shall the inner creamy and lighter portion, which is most sweet and delicious to the taste, fill the orifice of the mouth.
    7. And it came to pass, that I Tracy, having been born of goodly parents, and desiring to walk in the faith of my fathers, sought out the chocolate.
    8. And it came to pass that after hungering and thirsting and diligently seeking for that which I was commanded, I beheld the chocolate, whose center was desirable to make one happy.
    9. And it came to pass that I did go forth to purchase the orange and brown package and partake of the chocolate thereof; eating the outer edges first, saving the creamy center for last, and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted.
    10. And as I partook of the chocolate, it filled my mouth with exceedingly great joy, wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also, for I knew that it was desirable above all other chocolate and peanut butter confections.
    11. And as I cast my eyes round about, that perhaps I might discover my family also, I beheld my mother Rosemary, and my brother Joe, and they stood as if they knew not whither they should go.
    12 And it came to pass that I beckoned unto them; and I also did say unto them with a loud voice that they should come unto me, and partake of the chocolate, which was desirable above all other chocolate.
    13 And it came to pass that they did come unto me and did also partake.
    14 And it came to pass that I was desirous that my brothers Aaron and Nicolas should come and partake of the chocolate also; wherefore, I cast mine eyes roundabout, that perhaps I might see them.
    15 And it came to pass that I saw them, but they would not come unto me and partake of the chocolate confection. So with great joy, I ate their portion as well.

  • jennycherie July 17, 2007, 11:13 am

    HA – you have a special gift for this type of writing Tracy! now that I’ve been “edified” I’ll continue on with my work for the day ;)

  • heather July 17, 2007, 11:32 pm

    facethemusic,

    Could you write my epitaph? I’ll make it a large stone if needed:bigsmile:

  • Oregonian July 27, 2007, 9:30 pm

    Too funny, both the PB Cup and Tracy! Wish we knew who wrote the article, probably Tracy’s clone!

  • ChanJo July 27, 2007, 9:49 pm

    I just sent this link to half of my ward. You’ll probably get a lot of visitors at the site tomorrow! ha ha My favorite post so far. Can we vote?

  • Alison Moore Smith October 24, 2009, 1:55 pm

    Just got another trackback on this. I don’t have trackbacks visible, but FYI this is one of the most looked at posts on MM. Hah!

  • facethemusic October 24, 2009, 5:24 pm

    Ah, yes!!! This is one of my favs, too!

  • Tinkerbell October 25, 2009, 10:28 pm

    Ha ha. The two I could hear in my head were Elder Scott and President Monson. A few of these men have passed away. It would be funny to see this updated with some new apostles. (I bet President Uchtdorf ate PB cups in his plane)

  • Alison Moore Smith October 25, 2009, 11:17 pm

    And Bednar ate his with pickles.

  • Christian N. February 29, 2012, 2:36 pm

    Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

    “I turned the peanut butter cup to properly take a bite and in doing so, I over-corrected. This resulted in me smearing chocolate on my upper lip. Had I been just one degree under what I calculated, I would have successfully enjoyed the Reeses without making a mess. Which brings me to a story about aviation…”

  • Alison Moore Smith July 8, 2013, 1:36 pm

    Readers, this post got a big traffic spike due to the new video. If you have some great additions, please add them in the comments and I’ll put up the best! Current and former GAs welcome. :)
    Alison Moore Smith recently posted…Live Theater Etiquette for Dummies – Yes, YouMy Profile

  • Stephanie July 8, 2013, 8:55 pm

    So funny. But for Elder Scott you forgot to include Jeanine!

  • Randy Johnson August 19, 2013, 11:59 am

    . “Recently an unwise youtube video has advocated we have a special relationship with a reeses peanut butter cup. This is not the Lord’s way. If we are to develop a special relationship with any candy, it should be a butterfinger”

  • Randy Johnson September 1, 2013, 1:40 pm

    That was supposed to be in the voice of Bruce R. Mcconkie. But if you didn’t know that, then it doesn’t matter so this clarification is irrelevant.

  • Alison Moore Smith September 1, 2013, 4:37 pm

    Ooooo. That’s a George Pace reference, eh? I added it to the list. Thanks!

    I was pretty young when that whole incident occurred, but I heard about it for years. And, yea, I had a religion class from the guy, too. :)
    Alison Moore Smith recently posted…Artificial GroomingMy Profile

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