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Birth Order Parenting

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress a whimper, a frown you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from you older kid’s sippy cup.

3rd baby: You suck off the dirt and pop it back in.

Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change his diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change his diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to his knees.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to the park.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: Whenever you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home every five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins and Other Dangerous Activities

1st child: You rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: You carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: You deduct it from his allowance.

{ 3 comments… add one }

  • Michelle D October 26, 2009, 2:47 pm

    Thanks for the laugh!!

  • kiar October 27, 2009, 9:53 am

    Does that mean that my fourth is completly out of luck?
    This is hysterical!

  • Tinkerbell October 30, 2009, 9:34 pm

    Oh wow, so much truth in this. My mom says that once you lose your mind, parenting is so much easier because you’re just oblivious to everything.

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